Edward Penishands
We yearn for the 90s porn parody
A long, long time ago I saw an image zip past me on my Tumblr dashboard. I was a teenager at the peak of my little Tim Burton moment that most girls like me have. The image shocked, and disturbed me. A still from Edward Penishands the 1991 parody of, obviously, Edward Scissorhands.
As an adult I became fixated on owning a VHS copy of the parody porno purely for its sheer absurdity–still no leads on that. But ironically, I had never seen it. It seems straightforward enough, he has penis hands and I’m betting he puts them inside some ladies. Since i’ve been feeling uninspired in the movie watching arena lately, I decided to sit through all 69 (lol) minutes of the “skin flick”.
Released in 1991 just a year after the actual film it was parodying, Edward Penishands wasted no time in trying to find a way to make everybody horny for a wiry haired, wide eyed, Tim Burton mutant. A lot of the plot in between sex scenes mimics the Burton film verbatim with some key changes to make it more porn-y. Instead of a door to door Avon saleswoman, our leading lady goes door to door selling “marital aids”. A large suitcase full of dildos and strapons and old fashion non-curved vibrators.